he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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