i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
