go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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