using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
