I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
