I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
