I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
