Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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