hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
