I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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