Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
