I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
