Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
