I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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