No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
