The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
