Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
