He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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