It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
