she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
