Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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