we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
