the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
