His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
