He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
