Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
