just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
