All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
