You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
