Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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