i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You ruined the universe
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
