moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
