They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
