hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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