An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
