It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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