saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
