Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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