we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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