i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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