Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
