Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
