here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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