Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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