On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
