Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
