Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
