Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
