spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
