Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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